FlyHigh.

2011-12-22T23:53:00.001+08:00

Wtv. Because you guys are angry, and i have t take it all. Back then was K, now R and now you. who's next. FML.~~whycantyouguysstopventingangeronme.~~

Words

2011-12-17T02:19:00.002+08:00

Hey R. It hurts. Not that you'll know, but it hurts. I just wanted to make things right. At least for once. But you reminded me that maybe as friends, I've overstepped my boundary and I should not caring that much. You reminded me of my current status. I never wanted to be a baby sitter. I just want t do my part as a friend. :/ It hurts a lot. But you were right. I'm only a friend. A non-trustworthy one at that. So friend, these 2 days were great. Thanks. But whatever that happened in these 2 days should be grouped tgt with those 8 months worth of memories. And now, we're back t who we are.

Bad times like this

2011-08-21T21:42:00.002+08:00

Truth is, no one's having a good time.
I need t learn how t let things go.
I need t know memories were meant t be forgotten.
I need t recognize the fact that people come and go.
I need t be independent.

note t self: everyone's leaving, one by one.
Stop being a burden t 'em.

For you.

2011-07-17T09:33:00.002+08:00

Guess what, this goes out to you.

I've said my point of view.
Whatever that goes on between us is like a routine.
You assured that we're making progress.
But hey look, aren't we back t the starting point, again.
As much as you cant understand why i chose t give up
I don't understand why you insist on holding on.

You talked to me about me building a wall around me.
In case you never knew, I'm trying.
I'm really trying to put my faith in you.
But its like every time when I'm ready to go all out, the routine happens.
How am i supposed to put my faith in you?
You said, heck all these wall shit.
And now i'm telling you t reconsider what you just said.
Cus i can assure you that the argument 'bt me building a wall is going t come back.

You always say you feel insignificant.
Then other than sorry, I've nothing to say.
I'm trying. You dont see it.
At times when i placed you over my friends, you took it for granted.
And then you come so hard on me just because you felt that you're nothing compared to my friends.
And i did told you, friends matter more to me.
What about the things you said when we talked about these things back then?
~~youonlyprovemerightthatplacingfaithinyoumaybeamistakeafterall.~~

Maybe just in case you havent realised,
I enjoy having my own personal space.
But it's like you're all out to take over my life.
The time i go home, the things i do and even the friends i text.
You requested that i should stop texting R.
What about you and your ex then?
Is it that you're not confident in yourself or that you never trusted me before.
Believe it or not, we're over.

I'm really too tired t deal with these things. Y'know, having t face this routine at least once every 2 months, i need more courage. Being in a r/s isnt as simple as 1+1=2. cliche but who cares. A r/s dont get going just because of your affections for each other. So many other things to consider. I'm tired. Really. Let's just give ourselves a short break. We need time t reconsider about everything. Then maybe by then, we'd have all grown up a lil, just enough t keep this r/s going.

Loves,
MeiXuan

Memories Remain

2011-06-19T12:48:00.001+08:00

Fineeeeeeeeeeeee. whatever i just typed just gone like that. Will be back to update soon!

Back to the times

2011-05-14T19:47:00.003+08:00

I saw this lil girl, hugging her dad so tightly. Her eyes were all red from crying. And somehow, it makes me think. Over-reacting much or just reminding me of who i was.

When i was lil, i followed daddy closely.
Like almost everywhere.
I remember stepping on his legs, and he'll hold my hands.
Then we'll walk around the house..

And the times i cry over those silly things,
the first person i'll run to is daddy.
Because back then, idk what i can do or what i should do.
Daddy was my one and only solution.
And it's like he'll listen no matter how ridiculous i am.
Perhaps its the insecurity/fear around me that made me glued to daddy.

Then when i grow up over these years,
perhaps the courage to face the happenings grew.
perhaps i've really grown up.
I no longer stick to him.
He's not always the first person that I want to talk to now.

But deep down, things pretty much remain the same.
I'm still growing, still learning how to manage my life.
But the difference now is i no longer know how to put things across to him.
Idk if he'll listen like he used to, idk if i'm taking up his time.
I'm afraid to let him know how ridiculous his girl has always been.
I'm afraid that i'm in no position to turn to him after disappointing him time and time again.
I'm afraid that after all, I cant take his criticisms, even though i know that's for my own good.
Uncertainities kept us away.

Daddy, i wish we could be as close as we were.
I hope you know that i didnt mean to disappoint you every other time.
ily daddy.

boyyouweregreatlastnight.
then it made me think of TENS10N trng.
which made me think of every single thing between us.

Convinced that I'm a thing of the past.
Give it up, cmx.

Pre-fathers' day confession? haha. nostalgia. sucks. okay bye.

wloves;
Mei xuan

Past.

2011-05-10T20:08:00.002+08:00

I figured that i must be a loser to feel the way i'm feeling now.
i feel like talking to you.
but i guessed that you dont need me, you've moved on.
And every day, I'm convinced that you're happy just the way you are now.
And if you'd the intention of talking to me, you would.
But since you didnt, we're pretty much over.
Boy, i just thought we could be friends.
I'm sorry that things have t turn out like that.
Takecare..

~~imy.imissus.imisseverysinglethingaboutus.~~

wloves;
MeiXuan

break-up

2011-02-07T23:09:00.002+08:00

It's been a while since i felt this way. I'm really sorry that things have to turn out this way. but for the past 8months 3days, i really liked your companion. You've been really great. I know you wont get to see this.. But.. I'm really sorry for everything. I really hope you're okay.

boyf.

2011-02-02T00:13:00.001+08:00

Happy 2 months :/

must the day end up like that?

Courage.

2010-12-06T23:41:00.002+08:00

I probably need hell lots of courage to actually post it.

You were all so sweet before we got together. You noticed almost every mood swing that i have. You dropped me texts, EVEN WHEN we're supposed to be doing GP. You get so affected when i hang around with samuel too much and that he seems like the only one that's able to cheer me up when ima real down. You stayed up with me, just to make sure that I'll sleep as early as i can and at the same time, i have companion. That was way before you confessed.

Afterwhich, you confessed a few times. I felt really weird. I didnt have any answer to that, and we have t act like nothing happened. I didnt really know how to deal with it, back then. Then we hang out with the class. After you alighted from the mrt, you drop me a text almost immediately. You told me you had letters for me and that you wanted to pass to me before you left for Sydney. Then afew of us went to send you guys off. And i felt a lil touched by what you did. 1 letter per day, till the day you're back.

In aust, you'll drop me texts everyday to tell me that you're having fun or just some lil updates about the times you had in Australia. Then on probably the third day or sth, you drop me a text in the afternoon, just to ask if there's really nothing on between him and me.

When you're back, you asked again. I cant quite rmb what i felt back then. But you were really all so sweet, y'know. Then people said give each other a chance. I agreed then.

After we got tgt, things started to change a bit. We dont even talk in school. I figured that it was okay. You didnt want t make it known, yeah ima cool with that. But it was still really sweet to know that you're waiting for me on Friday nights for my trng to end. Even though most of our bus rides are quiet, but that was really awesomely sweet of you.

Then he became an issue. He caused all your insecurity. He brought out the worst in you, i guess. Haha. You checked up on my texts, you even replied him on my behalf without my knowledge. I thought it's fine. Drama much when it comes to him. We all know that. Then all these drama became too much for me to take. I suggested that we need to let things go. You werent ready back then.

We met up. You saw how affected I was. You insisted on your point, and despite things lighten up a lil. I know for a fact that you still dont get my point. That's just how things are. Then somehow.. You finally decided that he aint going to be an issue. I swear, i was really glad.

Then things happen. You were pretty much down with your clique stuffs, getting involved in conflicts when it shouldnt even take place and blahblahblah. We drifted apart. I cant really rmb what happen these few months. Muffled memories, but it was really nothing much. Except that maybe, we went out once for "Due Date".

Chenmin left for ISLE. You're back to texting me, more regularly. But you only told me how much you miss her and that she's gone for that long. And whenever you text, you know for a fact that you're just bored. Other than that, i could have wait up to hours before i receive ONE of your reply.

Is it just me? when you started complaining about every little thing in life, i felt more disturbed than anyone else. That includes your sister asking you for help. Hello, those 2 are your siblings. So what if you're the youngest. That was really ridiculous. You criticised that chalet is going to be a flop because of the poor organization. Then hi, have you ever considered the efforts that people put in? IF YOU ARE SO GREAT, ORGANIZE IT YOURSELF AND STOP COMPLAINING.

And right now, I'm just too sick and tired to continue this drama. I know i hasnt been a good girlf. Much as ima complaining about you now, you may have much more complaints about me. But i guess, I'm done here. I cant possibly wait for you to be ready to let things go. Maybe just someday, we all will realise that we are a bittersweet mistake. It was never meant to be like that. It's been you and me all along. Thanks so much for the memories :)

All i need is the courage t break the news to you.

wloves;
MeiXuan

We're losing it.

2010-12-06T23:24:00.002+08:00

HELLO WORLD. WE WON TODAY'S FRIENDLY. 5 - 3. (Y) i thought today's pretty all right. Except that i still stink from wearing the gear that was left unwash for idk-how-many days. HAHA. okay oops sorry for the smell :X but anw, today's worth celebrating. I'm starting work tmr alr. omg. i have tons of hmwk left. URGH.

Everything between us is a mistake.
A bittersweet one, at that.
I thought things could be okay.
But I need you to grow up.
not that ima mature, i know.
You've changed, havent you? Or is it just me?
I thought you cared, i thought we matter.
but then again, it seems so wrong now.
Nvm, next post is dedicated to you.

Having you around is the best thing that can ever occur to me at the moment.
Thanks a lot :)

wloves;
Mei Xuan

I want everything to stay the same.

2010-11-18T23:17:00.002+08:00

Results are back. every one has their fair share of joy and disappointment. Today is the first day where the class gets together after knowing the results. the feeling sucks. i mean, yessss, its good that we're still together. but i hate it when you guys are leaving us next year :'( i really love the times we have. the times where i just confide in you guys like i never do. the times where you guys knew exactly whats on my mind. i miss those times, girls :'(

TOMYDEARKID. (you probably wont see this)
i know you'll feel that way, even w/o you saying it.
but my dear girl, you are loved. by all of us.
1010 loves you for who you are.
never forget the laughter you brought to us.
never forget the times where you stood by our TENSION trng.
never forget the times you lent us your listening ear.
never forget the times where we go through everything, as one.
you mean alot to us, or at least, to me.
you make a difference in our everyday lives.
and i swear you're the sweetest girl of all.
you're the only one who drops me a text everytime i cry,
just to tell me not to cry without your permission.
i've lots more to say to you.
i'll probably write a letter to you.
Dear girl, you're loved.
never forget that.
i miss you, i swear i will. dont forget me kayzx.
and stay strong kayzx.

KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.
if you ever see this, you'll probably think ima very lame.
but ima really thankful that i met you.
thanks for being there to listen to me, everytime.
dont feel bad for not knowing what to say.
cus i think all i need is a listening ear t listen t my stuffs.
anyway, i miss the times where we just rant about our lives,
and shoot each other like nobody's business.
kee, thanks for being such an awesome friend. ily.
idk what're lessons going to be like without you.
idk how's my everyday morning going to be like.
i dont feel like thinking about it, i swear.
i miss you, i really do. :(
pleaseeeeeeeeee dont avoid us next year okayyyyyyy.
i'll get depression real soon without you around. LOL.
anw, idk if you're okay even if you're cracking jokes about yourself.
and i just want to let you know that...
Whatever happens, ima still here. :)
i love you all the same :D

SIHUIIIIIIIIIIIIIII.
hello my og mate cum my pw mate cum my clique :D
you're a very very strong girl you know.
y'know.. alot of things had struck you hard.
but you took it so well and stand up against all odds.
sometimes i really admire you for being able to take so much.
and love, dont ever feel left out okayzx.
you meant a lot to us. you make a difference.
i had so much fun hanging out with you!
i miss you, i really do :(
but please, my dear girl..
start to open up yourself to others kayzx.
dont keep everything to yourself.
it worries us. we really hope things are okay for you.
anything, IMA STILL ONE PHONE CALL AWAY. :)
dont forget me kayzx.
you'll always be loved by us! :D
thanks for everything, girl <3
i really miss the times we had...

friends, you mean alot to me :'(

Loves,
Mei Xuan

Just like any other.

2010-11-05T00:19:00.002+08:00

I thought i was strong enough t handle things on my own. Then in the end, when i felt really tired, mentally that is, i thought you'd be there. And all i hoped is that you could at least lighten some things by either cheering me up, or at least send me? okay, i know the sending part is impossible. you got your date with your clique. whatever. then you went to make those insensitive remarks. thanks, but that wasnt needed. you dont understand me. just like how much i dont understand you. you dont need me. you got your friends around you. you dont rly honour what you said. you were skeptical and dying t pry things out. so tell me, what's next?

i rly hoped that you were the one beside me just now.
When i was really drained,
when i just needed someone to be there.
things will never work out, i got that.

and i'm really thankful that you were there.
for lending me your shoulder and your listening ear.
that certainly cheered me up.
the long walk we had was great.
Y'know, thanks for everything,! :)

wloves,
Mei Xuan

Random thoughts

2010-11-03T23:35:00.002+08:00

Hello strangers,! And it just struck me that idk whats the outcome that i really want when i share something. Definitely not sympathy. Neither am i looking for empathy. Or maybe understanding? I mean, hey i'm old enough to realise that everyone thinks differently and there's no way you can feel the same way as some others do till you experience it yourself? So all right, perhaps advice? But it doesnt make sense because i alr had a mind of my own, more often than not. So whats the point? Right after you share, people judge. Nope, not saying that i mind they judge me. Everyone judges, including myself. Despite saying how i hate judgemental people and those who judge without understanding the situation. It's just human nature, isnt it. How many a times do we expect something in return after you share? Well, you guys said it was up to individual to decide. I know that. But.. I mean.. Am i expecting a certain reply from someone? Or am i just looking for a listening ear? Call me sensitive or what, up t you. Its just some random thoughts. I never expect t find any answer anyway.

givemejustalilmorecouragetocontinuethis.

thanks for that short meet-up?

wloves,
Mei Xuan.

Mixed.

2010-11-02T07:27:00.002+08:00

Sunday was ... it's better to be left unsaid. Ha! Life's like a roller coaster ride, aint it. cliche but true enough. people around me are hurting or getting hurt. i mean, oh well. this is life and it has to move on. sometimes at a point or another, you'll probably come to realise that you're just not affected by some things anymore. not because you dont care. just that, you got so immune to it, t the extent that you're numb. uh all right okay, not going to talk about it anymore. :)

y'know, when you insisted that i was pissed.
i was kinda disappointed..?
to you it may be just another feeling, just another case of insecurity.
but to me, you're losing faith in us, time and time again.
more imptly, you dont understand my point all along.
though things lighten up a lil,
but sometimes the hurt lingers.
and you even asked why am i so upset over it.
and if you really want t know,
its just, disappointment.
~~thisisthelastchanceallright. :(~~

can we slow things down for a while?
~~andyoureallymeansomethingtomenow.~~

what happens when life plays a joke on you?
doiplayalongwithitordoimakeadecision?

wloves,
Mei Xuan.

The answer

2010-10-30T10:42:00.003+08:00

If that's the answer that you rly want, then here it is. But i guess you'll never see this post. Ha!

you are the sweetest guy ever.
you pay attention to the smallest detail ever.
you knew how i feel, you knew what's on my mind.
you stayed up with me even though you could have turned in early.
you wrote letters and dropped me a text everyday even when you're in aust.
you just wanted to know if ima home safely.
you stood by me when ima down at times.
&because you care.

y'see, everyone ask me to move on from the past r/s. i moved on, long ago. they told me to forget about what i've been thru. the flashbacks that come with the break up. i tried to. they said its time to open up and give both of us a chance. and so i did. ~~butidkwhatsbecomingofusnow:(~~
but i guess its only fair for me to let you know what i feel at the moment.

thanks for sending me home, even if you have to wait for hours.
thanks for reassuring me with how you feel.

but i thought you should have known that telling me is one thing and showing is another. ima not saying i dont feel it. its just.. different. ~~idksincewhenijustthoughtthedistbetweenyoutwoistoocloseforcomfort.~~
you have your friends, i know. but its different. i used to think things will work out. and to think about it, for these 4 months plus, we're nothing but friends. or do you think acquaintances is a better word? that's how bad we are.

~~maybeweshouldntevenhavestarted.~~

wlove,
Mei Xuan.

realization

2010-10-24T19:04:00.005+08:00

Because I've realised at some point in life, we all change. The way we behave, the way we think and the way we handle things. You've changed and so do i. What's new this time?

Y'know, actions speak louder than words.
I'm rly sick of guessing your thoughts.
We lost the basic trust and the mutual understanding.
Time and time again, history's repeating.
I miss the old you,
the one whom i can run up to and drown you with my secrets
the one whom can tell me how you feel honestly
the one whom we can just talk about anything under the sun
andijustrealisedhowdifficultitistomaintainarelationship
espwhenyourfriendstellyou"bothofyouarebetteroffasfriends"
Maybe we'll be better off that way. :(

I'm thankful to have you in my life.
I'm sorry for being unfair to you.
I'm sorry for causing so much trouble.
I'm just not worth it.
Move on like you never knew me all right?
~~youmeansthtomethatsforsure.~~

"And sometimes it hits me out of nowhere, all of a sudden, this overwhelming
sadness rushes over me. And I get discouraged and I get upset and I feel
hopeless, sad and hurt. And once again, I feel numb to the world."

And that's exactly how i feel at times :(

(L)

2010-06-05T01:07:00.003+08:00

Idk how far we can go, but i'll try t make it last.
Idk if things will turn out fine for us, but i'll do my best.
Idk if I'm the kind of girl you like, but i'll try t change/improve.
All i need is a lil more time kkkk! :)

Thankyou, love! :)

04.06.2010 :)

Not a night like this again.

2010-06-02T00:58:00.002+08:00

Tiring. Walked from cchms t merlion park. t be more precise, it's sgp flyer, helix, esplanade mall and finally merlion park. walked t marina square from there before hitting the town t catch Prince of Persia. walked to dhoby ghaut mrt and back home. :) Satisfied, i guess. Then today was just walking home after trng :) Never done so much walking before. :/ But oh well, tonight sucks ttm. :( fml, seriously. ahh whatever it is now. ciaoz~

i thought i was going to say yes this time round.
but ima more interested t know if you mind about his existence.
you text me specially t ask if there's sth on between him and me.
are you really bothered by it?
Idk if i made the right choice by hearing your ans first.
Maybe, you should really reconsider abt asking me again. :(

~~iwishicouldseeyourreaction.~~

Note to self:
1)Wishes are meant for fantasies.
2)Time t learn t trust.

Loves;
Mei Xuan

:)

2010-05-28T14:35:00.004+08:00

1 month is all it takes for everything t happen :/ Scary isnt it? But oh well, I just feel like blogging now. LOL.

Idk if I'm blaming you for walking out on us.
I'm not sure how i feel towards you now.
I tried to understand, i really did.
But i just thought the least you could do is to tell us first.
Dont we have the right t know?
What happen to the same old us?
Will things ever be the same? :(

Idk how i feel towards you.
I think everything's unfair for you.
But i really dont wish to lose you as a friend.
I've my reasons for saying no.
I thought you'd understand :/
But anw, I'm sorry.

(L),
Mei Xuan

Amazing

2010-04-26T00:44:00.003+08:00

Like omg, idk how long has it been since i last logged in or what. It's just how amazing when people grow over the years. Anw, i guess thats all for now :) PI.

New life, new beginning.

(L).

Will there ever be an ending

2009-12-26T22:01:00.002+08:00

Because this time, I'm not going to believe in you again.
There for you, but definitely not there with you.
Keep those lies of yours and things may be better.

rot. rotting. rotted.

2009-12-12T13:16:00.002+08:00

Random, but who cares.

I like the way y'all make me laugh.
I like the way y'all stand by me no matter what.
I like the late night calls, even though half of the time, we're in our own world.
I like the times where we've been through everything tgt.
I like the way y'all make me feel assured.
I like the way we are.
Std 4'09 ; Thankyou for everything!

Ytd was ~~hell~~ ~~not bad~~ alright. just random thoughts. but the late night call with qh solved everything. though it was a short call, but it certainly cheer me up! 17 DEC! :D

Wloves ;
Mei Xuan.

damn those lies

2009-12-07T20:23:00.003+08:00

i hate that you lied.
i hate myself more for believing in you.
you never meant what you said, right.

Post Thank-you!

2009-09-23T20:26:00.002+08:00

No one reads this space. But I need something to remind myself that i once hate things the way they are now because of ME. theoretically, my birthday. but then again, it doesnt make a big difference. Anw, big thanks to those who wished me a happy birthday!

By Messages: ZiHow, Ting Xin(♥), Wei Jie (exactly @ 12! :D:D:D), Edwin, Sarah(HEH!), RX, Lowell(:D :D :D), Wei Kian, Sok Min, Kalvin(!), Shuhadah(:D), Xue Wen(♥), Zuo Hong, Sherina(:D:D:D), Amanda, Sze Zhin, HanYi, Rui jie, Rachael Lee, Xue Ying(♥), Xin Yi, Jeanette Liew, Rachel Yeo, Shu Ling, Kingsley, Marilyn (:D:D), Bryan Hanson(!!![:), Stanley Fang, Fu Zhi(:D:D:D), Lucas(!!), Lydia(HAHAHA), Rui Shan(:D:D:D), Shao Jie, Li Ling(:D:D:D), Cavan, Jie Ming([:), Ri Yan(:D:D:D), Chloe, Mr James Lim (heh! :D), Caresse, zuxiang(WHAHAHHAHA!), Charmaine Choo, Hui Ting, Roi, Yuting(SJ), Shuk Kan, Dillian, Yi Ting, Florence(:D:D:D), Sylvia Lim(who sent me 5 msgs long! ♥.), Jolene, Charmaine Teo

Facebook (May have repetition): Cheng Chong, ShaoJie(x2), Lowell, Xueshen, Kevin, Han Ren, Cheong Jing, Jun Yuan, Ma'am Kristin, Jenina, RiYan, Yen Ling(?), Sir Royston, WanQing(Cousin! [:), Yun Zhen, Nicholas.

Celebration.: RuiShan, Louise, Xiu Hui, Dillian, Zuo Hong, XueYing, TingXin, Qianhui, Sylvia, Xuewen, Lydia, Samantha, Jade, Augustine, Kai Jie, Lucas. Rachael Lee, Qian Yun, Rui Shan, Jolene, Florence, Sherina, Lowell, Wei Jie, Jie Ming, Rui Jing, Benjamin, Zu Xiang, Wei Kian, He Nian.

and also, caslyn, somehow! ♥! thankyou! (:

loves ♥;
Mei Xuan :D

:D

2009-07-24T23:09:00.002+08:00

Today is GREAT. :D:D haha. after those few days of thinking abt the same thing, ima finally done with it! ~~hopefully~~ hahahha! for the First time, I'm so freaking satisfied with my fringe because i got the slope even after i clipped it up for the whole day in school!! hahaha. another thing is.. I WENT OUT WITH DENNIS, SYLVIA AND LYDIA AFTER 243584652120473 YEARS. hahahahaha. though nothing much, just dine and chat, but it's enough to keep me going. (: Std 4 is the love! :D drop by to see my std 2. doing pretty well so far, though with a lil hiccups here and there.. but i guess it's okay! :D hahaa. all right, Harry Potter tomorrow! (: before that, i need to get my things done. :X Goodbye! HIATUS.

&we are straying apart.
you feel like a complete stranger to me.
am i being too sensitive or what.
you've changed, and i can longer reach you.
But i guess it's okay now,
because i realise that ima not going to let it bother me, anymore. ):
~~iamdisappointedinyou.~~

Loves

2009-05-23T20:14:00.002+08:00

:D watched The Uninvited today ;D Lovely show, nice plot. Ha! Woke up early to pei Std 2 and 3 for KOTO, t only find out Sylvia Lim ps me big time. Zzz. Waited for them with Xueshen. Headed off t Plaza Sing. Syl and Lydia came. Standard Twos is the Love today because Samantha went to watch Horror Movie for the first time in her life with us! Kaijie was entertaining us as per normal and Augustine was being at her best usual self. :D Jade has to go for Adam Khoo's workshop so she left us halfway and joined us after that! (: Lucas wasn't with us, but it's okay! watching Princess Diary 2: The Royal Engagement now. (: feel terrible with the flu bug around me. Cough and Sorethroat isn't making me any better as well. ~~Wth.~~ Right. Wanted to upload Pictures of POP present but then i dont know what's wrong cus i cant seem to upload it now :X next time perhaps! Goodbye!

Wloves ;
Mei Xuan

Prelimssssssssss

2009-05-13T21:06:00.004+08:00

ALL DOWN! :D Prelims is such a ~~biatch~~ trouble and i dont like it. Chicken essence and Coffee became my main course for all my meals. Crap. Zzz. Saw Stanley recently and I'm totally shocked. -.- Nvm nvm. Ima currently super irritated by the fact that No More 'Angels and Demons' for me tmr. Or rather more of, i dont have any days that i can really rest. Zzzzzzz. & i really feel like dropping some random smses around again cus i really need to get something off my chest. wth. right. ~~uneasy.~~ Nvm. And now i feel like eating at 'with a pinch of salt'. shit me. Goodbye ppl!

A getaway?

wloves,
Mei Xuan.

):

2009-04-24T19:51:00.007+08:00

Sorry Lowell. not like you'll see it, so its okay. ~~damnmyself.~~ . Things have been taking a toll on me and ima seriously drained. But then again, in the midst of all this struggle.. I realised that Everytime I lose something precious, I'm one step closer to self-reliant. Okay, i should have realised it long ago. Nvm. Was flipping through the old pictures and i think i really missed that past :X I went through Bro's photo album, the pictures he took before i was born. (ha!) My grandma treated him like a gem, so do my grandpa. My grandma was still smiling to the camera, with bro in her arms. But i guess everything's too late now. ): ~~How i wish i could tell her I Miss You. How i wish i could hear her voice once again. How i wish things could stay the way it used to be.~~ And all i know is.. Everything's just too late.

To my group of girls:
Thanks for being there for me whenever i need you.
Thanks for giving in to my unreasonable demands.
Thanks for making me feel that life's aint that bad.
Thanks for every single thing that you all did for me.
Thanks for letting me count on you guys.
Thanks for guiding me when i felt lost.
Without you guys, i wouldnt been who i am now.
Thank You.

Now breathe in.

I reflected. I really did.
Szezhin said i was the best choice
for this post.
Kevin encouraged and gave me a medal.
Qingru gave me advice and i thought i
knew what i need to do.
Bryan and Alicia pulled and guide me along
despite the times i let them down.
Other seniors gave me their support
and ima thankful of that.
And now, ima Sorry for all the screwed-ups
that i caused.
cus everytime i try to get things back on track,
i find myself falling off it time and time again.
It really hurts and i feel like giving up.
I can no longer speak to anyone,
cus no one will understand. ]:
Ima really stressed, really.

and my tears can finally take a break now.
Breathe out (:
Goodbye.

wloves;
Mei Xuan

Uh...!

2009-04-01T18:56:00.003+08:00

Holidays are officially over and this is alr second week of the term. :/ Uh.. March Camp was a success. But as always, night time seriously suck. ~~damnit.~~ could have got hold of myself for that 3D2N. should have heed everyone's advice and not make that call. D: But i guess everything's a lil too late. :/ whatever. Oh, anw, went for NYAA Award Presentation yesterday. saw li bing (: zomg zomg zomg. and coincidentally, he's seated just one row ahead of me[!] and he recognizes me. haha. Whatever. Lol. School's been okay, i guess. Or at least i hope. :/ Nvm. D: Anyway, came across this TVM's quote: regret is insight that came a lil too late. (Okay, not exactly, but the meaning's there.) Thought about it for a while and decided that it aint right, so i gave up thinking abt it. Zzz. Went out with Girls some time ago. &TingXin said that my 'attendance' was lousy. Haha. But oh well. and then i got the thought that i MIGHT be the first to leave them. haha. D: Nvm. Random post. haha. That's all. Goodbye. On a random note: Thank You, Lowell Chong! (i feel like ranting, but i guess i'll just keep it within myself D: ) Although he wont be able to see it.. but who cares! (:

I'll be fine, i promise.

~~Dontworry,youwontbeonmymindanymore.~~

wloves;
MeiXuan :D

Righttttt,

2009-03-18T21:49:00.002+08:00

Zzz. Half of holidays is GONE. Camp's tmr and follow by Comp then sch reopen. D: Ahh shitzx. I tried doing A maths e-learning. But, I CANT UNDERSTAND A SINGLE THING. Oh well! Zzz. So maybe i'll be a mugger during camp and i'll get those imba ppl to teach me :D Hahaha. But i doubt i'll achieve anything. ZZZ. anyway, out with girls ytd [: Tried searching for a watch for Bro.. But ahh, i dont know what suits him :X so whatever that is. :x then off to Haji Lane. like oh man, i so like the feeling there. haha. right right right. Zzz. Prelims coming soon. in few more weeks' time. Time is running out ~~and i dont like it.~~ D: Talked to tingxin at the bus stop. hahah. It's been a long time since i did that. the talk turned out well.. ~~But the outcome is still as disappointing!~~ whatever whatever whatever. ~~imasuchabigarsehole.~~ Nevermind, ima alr used to it! haha. so perhaps ima going to text Lowell to disturb him! :D whatever lol. Right, no more time for emoing as for now. I'll just do it with yiting tmr! [:

ima such a big sucker.

~~imasorryboy.~~

~~andtoyou,iknowitstimetoletgo~~

&Becausewhatsthepointoflettinggowhen
iamstillholdingontothememoriesthatweonceshared.

goner

2009-03-14T18:02:00.003+08:00

common test is a goner for me, i guess. ~~whatelseisnew.~~ whatever. i guess days in school have been pretty okay so far..? Yep. Had a meet-up for steamboat with girls last week (If ima not wrong). After which was bowling at Kovan :D Right. fatsareseriouslycatchingupwithme. and i need the gym soon! Zzz. ahh whatever. ima totally not in the mood for blogging. Takecare people :D (Camp's coming soon! :/)

fell too deep.

~~只因为陷的太深~~
~~ihatethetimeswheniwakeupwithyouringinginmyhead.~~

Loves;
Mei Xuan

Oh well.

2009-02-23T20:22:00.003+08:00

Haha, today's speech was Okay, i hope. But zx made a recording of that. -.- Oh well. But anyway, Big Thank to Mrs Lim for the reassurance! though she wont be seeing this, but yes, thank you! :D Today was pretty all right. I mean, what can be better than having friends around you who tried so hard to cheer you up? Hahah. thanks for the "Always look on the bright side of life :D" haha. ima so used to seeing that in my Notes cus of someone! LOL! but anw, Thanks to the good luck(s) from Yun qing, Nut, YY, Caroline and some others. :D Haha. School's okay. I did my fair bit of emo-ing in the afternoon. [: i cant emo for long cus i have limited songs in my phone now. & yes! because sony phone died on me, ima back t using Nokia. Zzz. And it's bro's one. Oh well. Zzz. Right right right. And bro's back in camp.. :/ Ahh, right. Zzzzzzz. And urh, on a random note.. I hate this situatuon! Lol! i think only tingxin understand. but who cares. LOL! Right, that's about it. i need to start on my hmwk alr! [i seriously hope i didnt spoil my thumbdrive! urggs]

Weijie, hope you recover soon! [;

~~Givemesomemoretimeandiwillgetyououtofmymind.~~

Life's not that bad after all, i guess!

wloves;
Mei Xuan (:

Screwed

2009-02-22T20:46:00.005+08:00

Just when I thought things are right...
~~ihavegivenuponmyselfiguess.~~

Life aint great At All. Things are screwed to the max. Zzz. Damn it seriously. But i love talks with my brother! :D he never fails to make me smile! He was back on Thursday to get his stuffs before he returns back to his Camp.. And so, i ranted and ranted. All he did was to sit there and lastly.. Encourage Me! :D zomg zomg. i tell you, i cried after he encouraged me. :X LOL! he's damn great! LOL. he better not see this,! hahah. School's been okay, i hope. Ahh, i never felt so screwed before. -.- Maybe I'll call tingxin in the middle of the night to make her talk to me! WHAHAHHA. Madness madness madness. Nvm. I hate what ima going through now. But who cares. Zzz. Back to work! D: (oh fuzhi, see i updated!)

thankyou for everything that you've done for me, bro! [:

Nothing's going right.

~~allihavetodonowistoconvincemyselfthatidontthinkofyouanymore.~~

wloves;
Mei Xuan

I'll be okay

2009-02-03T00:43:00.006+08:00

fallfromabove;
aliltoohigh,aliltoohard.

Th fall was a lil too hard.
th disappointments were a lil too much. ):

I thought I've gotten used to the disappointments. I really thought so. But still, tears flow out unknowingly whenever these stuffs cross my mind. But i guess i'll be fine after all.. Just a lil too tired.

~~GetMeThroughThisTide.~~

Justalilmorethanwords

Music playing - 我不想忘记你
~~2year1month1day~~

Love,
Mei Xuan

Heeeeees

2009-01-16T23:41:00.003+08:00

IMissHimTruckLoads

Yep, I miss my bro truck loads. He's currently having whatever trng or something like that. I cant call him at all. But it's okay, i guess. Cus he's coming back tmr alr :D Heeeeeees. But ima going to bugisssssss tmr D: Nvm, let's see... haha.! ~~onarandomnoteimissmygrandmamore.~~ Right, i've been completeing MOST of my hmwk on time lately so i guess that's not that bad after all. (: Right, ima tired alr. D: Nights people.

Ima going all out to fulfill my promise to you, Grandma.
How i wish you were still around. D:
I guess studying harder is my only way t make it up for all the things i've ever done.

wloves;
Mei Xuan.